


Chance of Error

by GirlDressedInBlack



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Body Horror, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7619869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlDressedInBlack/pseuds/GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane wouldn't let Fai die, no matter what the idiot wanted. He just wished that someone had told him there could be side-effects. The mage was going to hate him more than he expected. Ratings upped for self-harm, body horror and suicidal ideation. Sort of KuroFai</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is kinda crack… Well the idea was then it got, well, serious. And just a little angsty. Hope you enjoy anyway…

Kurogane can feel the force of Fai's fingers as they bite into him even through his clothes. The man contorts under him, breath coming fast with dry sobs. His eyes are screwed shut against the pain and Kurogane hopes more than he ever has before that they open again. Stupid mage would try and save everyone else with his death. Mokona whimpers from the edge of the bed and the witch just watches. The mage writhes one last time before falling back against the bed with a gasp, eyes opening to reveal yellow slitted pupils. Kurogane pries the blonde's arms from him as his eyes close again.

"It's best to let him rest, right?" he mutters as he steps back from the sleeping man. Nobody replies.

What.

The.

Hell.

The blonde lies there, breathing still heavy but thankfully more steady. Kurogane stares wondering if the process had somehow made him hallucinate. He rubs his eyes. Nope, still there. Protruding through his hair are two cat ears covered in smooth fur and from somewhere behind him a thin tail which twitches slightly in his sleep.

"What the hell happened?" Kamui meets his gaze nonchalantly.

"Sorry, there is always a 0.000001% chance of the blood being badly affected by any magic the recipient has and turning them into something part animal. There is also always a 0.00000000000734% chance of any recipient switching genders. Guess you were just really unlucky." Nobody said anything about side-effects! Wait, what? I glance back at Fai and watch the much gentler rise and fall of his chest- her chest.

"So Fai-san is a cat-girl now?" Mokona tilts its head, tears still drying on its fur. Kamui nods, "At least Fai-san is still alive." Sighing I look out the window at the desolate sands. The pork-bun is right.

"Hey, we should let her rest." The Mokona hops up onto my shoulder and this time I don't push it off. "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose it’s not the furthest future but it’s been a while- here’s a second chapter.

The ceiling is dull, colour taken by the years of ruin and harsh weather and all the tiles missing.

Beneath it Fai shifts, brow furrowing as her breath stutters and she wakes up. 

She shoots upright, eyes wide as she slumps forwards, forearms over her knees. Her spine curves and straightens with every breath as her eyes narrow in shock at the sudden intake of light.

“Fuck!” She gasps, hands going to her eyelids as she rubs them in confusion.

There’s a few moments as she just holds her palms against her face.

“Fuck.” She whispers, voice quivering as she sits on the utilitarian bed as still as the desert’s bedrock.

Fai lets her arms slip around herself, hugging herself together, cataloguing the strange new sensations and trying to piece together what has happened through a veil of intense pain and shouting and so much red.

Like blood and anger. 

Like his eyes.

The woman stays there for as long as she can, silent sobs held in by her hands. 

Fai chokes on her tears, trying to swallow the anger and the betrayal and the remorse. Remorse and failure and hate and how could he-

No one visits. She’s glad for this at least.

Eventually she manages to uncurl from her ball. Small crescents have etched themselves into her skin by the time she’s removed her nails. 

There’s something calming in the sharp sting of the new wounds. She is distantly aware that the scratches are oozing blood but can’t seem to find a reason to care. 

It’s what she deserves for everything she’s done. If she had just died she could have atoned. If they had just let her die-

The woman sits, staring dully ahead. Her legs stretch out before her, limp between the blood soaked sheets, and her hands rest limply in her lap. The turtleneck top is pulled tight, stiff with dried blood- mostly hers- constricting her chest.

She can’t bring herself to care about that either.

Somehow she seems paler than before, face washed out by trauma and the contrast with the red around her eyes, swollen from her crying. The tracks still linger on her cheeks which shine with guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

There’s a buzzing in her head as she avoids looking at herself which only increases in pitch.

Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

The wall opposite is dull, unmoved, stone.

Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

It is still opposite him. It sees nothing and hears nothing.

Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt.

The stone is uncaring, flat, dead.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Fai looks down and sobs openly, clenching her teeth.

The irrefutable proof is there. In sight and sensation but not in spirit- never in spirit.

The new woman bites down on her tongue hard, feeling the imprint of every tooth as it digs into the muscle.

She deserves as much.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow posting- should be Sunday the first of July when I next update this fic (hopefully if I keep up with everything else I'm doing)

He feels the muscle knit back together quickly, taking only a matter of minutes before it’s as if he’d never been harmed. There are no marks in his palms when he lifts them and he knows-  _ he knows _ \- that he’s a lot better at healing now but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong and shouldn’t be happening and it’s not how it works and his nails extend into claws and he drags them over what should be fragile skin and it’s something- enough.

The whine softens even as his wounds heal up. The pain centers him just enough to hear footsteps coming towards the room he is in and he latches onto that.

_ Kurogane.  _ He thinks, bitter with it as he attempts a smile on his face which is wrong in so many more ways than it ever used to be. 

Fai goes to fold his arms then pulls away, nausea curling in his stomach as his arms brush against breasts.

His hands drop to the bed, nails digging into the flesh of his hands in cuts which will heal too quickly. It helps a little, enough that he can let his claws recede and push himself over to the edge of the bed and to his feet.

Standing feels different too and he doesn’t like it but Kurogane is in the doorway, face at stoic as ever.

Fai uncurls his fists, pulling a smile he doesn’t mean onto his face.

“Good morning, Kurogane-san.” He says, eyes closed.

The pain in the ninja’s expression before it changes to guilt and resignation is satisfying enough that he feels momentarily almost alright even despite the voice being not his.

“Don’t move.” The man says in response, fist clenching around the fabric in his hand. It’s one of the acid-resistant cloaks from this world.

“I’m not going to run anywhere.” Fai says, that feeling of rightness welling again as Kurogane clenches his teeth and throws the cloak at him. It lands in a second covering over his empty eye socket which he doesn’t bother to dodge.

“Don’t move around yet.” Kurogane commands, seeming to want to say more even as he starts to walk away.

Fai pulls the cloak from his head, folding it idly and setting it beside him on the bed as he stands.

“Fai.” Whispers a small voice.

The man snaps his gaze to Mokona who sits nervously on the ground a little way from him.

“I’m sorry for worrying you, Mokona-chan.” He says softly, smiling sadly.

Mokona hops up to him and Fai catches them, feeling their weight and warmth in his hands which hasn’t changed.

“Mokona was so worried about Fai-san! Everyone was! We’re all really glad you’re okay!” The small creature sniffles as Fai sits down, placing Mokona in his lap.

“Thank you, Mokona-san.” He responds, running his fingers through Mokona’s fur and feeling himself relax slowly as he focuses on the sensation of Mokona under his palms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is on the ninth of September.

A moment later a cone of light is emitted from the gem on Mokona's head and Fai is faced with the dimension witch staring directly at him, impassive.

She waits a moment then speaks evenly.

"Mokona, I need to speak with Fai-san alone. Would you sleep while transmitting?" The witch asks, more a statement than a question.

"Okay." The small creature agrees, slumping a little in Fai's hands immediately.

Fai feels a bitter smile cover his face. That hasn't changed and there's relief that spreads through him. He continues to pet the sleeping Mokona

"I doubt there is a way to come back from this." Fai says, grimacing at the too-high pitch of his voice, "You know that I would have chosen death over this. I still will choose death over this." He says honestly.

"There are ways." The witch corrects, expression unchanging at Fai's promise.

"If you regain your left eye you can use the magic in it to reverse the changes." She says.

Fai feels a small amount of hope well inside him which he immediately crushes.

He doesn't reply so they sit there again in silence, watching each other.

"About Kurogane-san…" Yuuko says.

Fai cuts her off quickly.

"We've talked. I said 'Good morning, Kurogane-san.'." The mage says, smiling insipidly, his one remaining eye closing.

The witch again pauses before replying.

"Is that your answer?" She asks.

Fai pauses, slumping a little.

"At first I had planned to call him by his name like with Syaoran-kun, Sakura-chan and Mokona-chan but it was… Fun. It was much more fun to annoy him with those nicknames." The magician says, "I doubt anyone had given him a nickname before." He says, fingers still smoothing over Mokona's fur.

"It was so fun that I didn't realise that I was stepping over the line I had drawn for myself." He says with a grin.

"That's why I will not forgive him for forcing me to live. If I forgive him we might become close again." Fai confirms, smile unmoving.

Yuuko blinks slowly.

"The things which have happened did not happen because you two had spent time together." She says evenly.

"Even so." The mage starts, looking down at Mokona in his lap, "I don't want to make people unhappy. Those words that I said to Ashura-ou. I will not let them be a lie."

Fai does not look up but if her did he would have seen the flicker of pain that goes over the witch's face as she says his name.

"There's one thing you should remember." She says, once again impassive as he looks up at her.

"To everyone in your group you are no longer someone who can pass through their lives and be forgotten. You are important to them. Your suffering is their suffering too." Yuuko states.

Fai swallows, looking down again.

He doesn't say anything for a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> So, well that was weird… Will be continuing this in the far future~


End file.
